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Saturday, November 16, 2013


Finally (^_^) Wednesday! My second session! Since psychiatry was the only clinic I had, I left home at my own convenience, by noon, which is kind of late! Everyone being ready, the doctor's began calling in patients and I went in. Dr. A asked how the week went and how I was coping. I told him all; it wasn't so bad my only problem was sleep. If I slept early at night, I would wake by midnight and remain so till dawn if I slept late, it would be very restless and I would wake exhausted and angry with just about everything. Then we had a short chat, he increased the carbamazepine dose gave an appointment for the following week and said he would be seeing me weekly for at least five-seven weeks and then depending on how well I have progressed, he can increase to every 2 weeks! Then he gave an assignment, I was to write down whenever I thought of the the drug or felt the urge to take it, the triggering cause and my action.
The second week was hell for me. Every turn I took and saw a pharmacy or chemist, I would want the drug. It was terrible. I thought that week would never end! And sleep was still a major problem for me! I honestly thought I was never going to get through it, the entire week was filled with thoughts of having only one shot of pentazocine. I wasn't going to take another just one! But I had to persevere. I had to find and remember things that would take my thoughts away from this drug! Writing was a way for me to do that and with the assignment, I definitely had a lot to write! Third session sets in and boy was I ever grateful! I was bursting to submit my assignment which had every detail of what and how of my reaction to wanting the drug during the past week.
Me: Good afternoon.
Dr.: How are you? How was the week?
Me: Terrible! It was tougher than last week.
Dr.: *knowing smile* Yes, so did anything happen?
Me: As in, did I take the penta? *laughing*
Dr.: *laughs* yes, that's what I mean. Did you?
Me: No, I didn't.
Dr.: That's good! *reading my assignment*
I proceeded to tell him of my love for writing, telling him I own a blog in which I write about myself and other minor stories. He asks of my educational ambition so I tell him of my plans and he encourages me to go further through social networks, to start a forum for drug dependent/addicts trying to stop. He said I would get people that would judge negatively and those that would judge positively. I told him I could relate to that and then the third session came to an end!
Week three and I can't put my feelings into words; super happy and grateful on being able to restrain myself from getting pentazocine to inject myself! Best part, it was my 30th birthday, 4th September, 2013. And I had every reason to be grateful and over joyed! My session with Dr. A was more of a friendly interactive this time. He asked how I have been feeling so far, what my plans for the future are, how I would react to disappointments and failures... He asked if I was absolutely sure I would never turn back to drugs again if I was faced with similar situations as to what led to my using them in the first place. He asked what would be my mechanism for surviving through hard times... Tough questions I tell ya! They all needed answers but before that, they needed a serious, focused, determined and resolved will power. I needed to be absolutely sure I wouldn't go back on myself. I needed to say what I would back up when and if the need arose!
When I got home, I reviewed the questions again and thought to myself "Fatima, I hope you are really as brave as you made it seem to the doctor!" I need Allah!!!!!

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