Like always my beautiful chocolate cake, I love you and will love you forever, always till my last breath. You are my priceless Princess <3
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Like always my beautiful chocolate cake, I love you and will love you forever, always till my last breath. You are my priceless Princess <3
Monday, July 17, 2017
So, this year we did the celebration a lot earlier than we usually do, we had it on Saturday 15th July, 2017 for so many family reasons which we are still thankful for. The day turned out beautiful mostly because you were happy and excited. the welcome run and hug I got from you *melts away with love* let all the days of stress-worrying and planning pay off. Alhamdulillah!
So, both aunt Amina (my sister and Mummy's sister) were present, their kids, aunt Zainab and Sa'a's kids too as well as my in-law from Amina's side, aunt Nasira with her kids. Tariq was there too, of course and Daddy's soldiers were present. Mummy made very tasty fried rice, snacks, drinks and salad to celebrate the occasion, to be honest, our tummy's were very much happy too *chuckles*.
Even though we had to rush the event due to late arrival and need to depart early for distance and safety reasons, we all had a great time; singing the Happy Birthday song, watching you blow out your figure 8 candle and cut the cake! You radiated joy!!!
Again, I love you. We all do. You bring us together, make us all happy and teach us how to remain strong even when it seems bleak. May Allah always be your strength, comfort and guide. May He always keep you safe, protected and guided onto the right path and may your Imaan grow daily as you grow and mature into a smarter and more beautiful young girl. AMEEN!!!!!
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Yes, so, if you've read my last post, you'll remember I wrote about my experience and how I've been having constant bone pain aka sickle cell crises ... I can't remember, did I write on that or just the PTSD? Please don't make me read my post *BBM crying emoji* Anyways, I have been having recurring SC crises and I've been put on basically all the analgesics there is to be put on; from the ones that make me slightly dizzy and drowsy and sleepy to the ones that out right make me a drunken person who has never taken alcohol to point of being drunk. Yes please. I have taken alcohol, as a kid, when all those scammers would come to desperate mother's of sickle cell patients and tell them take such and such it will CURE sickle cell in three months and the poor blessed mother's would obey. Not being medical or scientific to understand that diseases of the genes can only ever be cured through the genes or never cured at all. But, again, I'm swerving *does Fast and Furious swerving back to original lane* ;) and some of those analgesics gave me severe stomach aches and I believe a bit of dependence on them for when I stop taking I get headaches. Headaches from Hades in the down under world! I think I need a new head, a new GI system or a new self, I wouldn't mind! Pretty please!? *Doe eyed*
The aches (crises) made me visit the accident and emergency of AKTH a lot and I got pricked a lot and my once very good and vibrant veins which used pink cannula began to disappear and then I degraded to blue and now I use the yellow and even with that, the Dr's complain that the needle on the yellow are much, much larger than any visible, useful vein. Word of advice, in your daily thanks to the Lord, be thankful for your veins! It started taking long hours and more than one Dr who gives it more than 3 tries to get a line. Sometimes we opt for IM analgesic before a line is set so as to ease my pain. It started to take a toll on me psychologically, I could feel it but no one could, I've become so good at masking my depression it's a wonder I'm not fully ... Alhamdulillah! I hang on and find joy in distant love that is pure and will never die, hopefully. I think of how our beloved Prophet (SAW) endured so much but was a comfort to others and I say to myself "Girl! You whine too much! Appreciate what you have before that's gone too!" And damn right that's what I do! Plus I cry a GREAT deal, forget about the ones you THINK you've seen, you ain't seen NOTHING and you ain't gonna see too! It helps ease some of the burdens I feel I carry alone!
On a very lovely Saturday or was it Sunday, I can't recall, Dr AD Waziri came to visit, and, yes I've mentioned it in my last post but, tough! He saw as far as his medical haematological expert eye would allow him see, that I was looking awful and needed help and he said I needed to start Hydroxyurea, I did. I have not regretted listening to him. I feel more energetic and probably less loco *LOL* could it be that it has effect on the psyche as well? That would be great, truly. Especially since its side effects are a lot. A very, very lot!
So, I'm on hydroxy and I haven't had crises in three months just one three days back (June 16) probably stress from exam or something. Twasn't so severe but it was aching and disturbing. Although I still experience headaches and that's another story for another time.
Is it a #Happy #WorldSickleCellDay or JUST a #WorldSickleCellDay? I really dunno and honestly don't care! Everyday to a sickle cell patient IS World Sickle Cell Day. We seem to be increasing in number in as much as we definitely are dying in multitudes as well. Sickle Cell is not on the top 10 list of Non-Communicable Diseases and yes, I know it's a Hereditary Disease but then...I'm tired of arguing!
Saturday, May 13, 2017
A few happenings include;
Friday, May 12, 2017
I never felt more alone in my life than the past year but I am a fine person, have been, will always be! Carried on with my life as it has always been, drifting through people to end up alone, it is not a big deal, I told myself through tears and hurt. don't be sad and don't think much about it, your death will end it all! But I could not stop thinking about it and I wondered and worried why it gave me so much trouble; I was scared. I was alone. I could have died and my last memories would have been of my young in-laws rushing me to the hospital trying to get me the much needed medical attention. Me crying in severe and utter agony even after a probable OD of opioid analgesics to help, nothing helped. I seemed to be getting worse, I could see/feel my heart struggling to beat, and finally of me being wheeled to the bathroom by a male attendant to pee and him offering to assist me stand from the wheelchair to sit on the toilet seat and stand from the toilet seat back to the wheelchair but me declining because, well because! That was precisely my last memory. I don't know which day of the week it was or what time of the day it was but I know it was a live living nightmare! And again, I was alone!
As part of my healing process, I decided I would need to talk to the Dr who saw me last when I returned for my follow-up before the whole Acute Chest Syndrome + Anaemic Heart Failure drama occurred. I did see the Dr today, Friday, 12th May, 2017! What a blessed day! Alhamdulliah for friends who motivate and, as we say in Nigeria, "take Panadol for another person's headache". I love you, Sophie *hugs*. So, I told the Dr everything...EVERYTHING!!! And I cried, of course I cried, it would not be MY story without some tears, duh! I'm glad he listened to me and he made me feel he DID listen because he thanked me and assured me he had learned and understood that it was not just a cry for myself (I mentioned to him I am among the blessed/lucky few who have people that know people that know...you get the gist) it was also for those who had no human power except that of Allah and that every patient deserves to feel special with their Dr. and know that they are as safe as any professional human can guarantee them with regards to their health and/or life.
We are figuratively at their mercy when it comes to our health; organically and psychologically. Believe me, I know how hard it is to be a medical doctor in Nigeria and I always, always sympathise with them BUT it is harder being a patient in Nigeria, much much harder, very much harder and I feel many of them do not see it that way for they are so very absorbed with themselves; I'm not saying they should be altruistic, no. Yet they have better chances due to being colleagues of each other so they get to Dr each other the way they would personally want to be doctored! Greater health advantage than an ordinary patient.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
I actually never thought I'd make it to 33 years that's 12,045 days multiplying by 365, I dash those other extra days to Neptune. Alhamdulillah is the best, most and really most honest and worthy word I can say about this mercy from Allah! Maybe I'll live to see some more maybe I won't, but these have been a most wonderful, exciting; negatively and positively, fulfilling, disappointing, learning and growing days of my life.
I have learnt a lot from both personal and other's experience and I am very blessed that I know I have learned even if sometimes I don't put what I learn to use! I need to have a talk with myself, maybe over tea and cupcakes, soon!
Here are 33 things I have possibly learned over the years:
1- All things happen exactly when Allah has willed them to happen; not a millisecond sooner or later than its appointed time.
2- Mother's are the best gifts Allah has given. Some are lucky to enjoy them, some are not. Some mother's do things in a way that makes you feel unwanted but they love you, so much while some mother's spoil their children rotten which is pretty much worse than the former. We must learn to be patient with them as they get older and as we mature.
3- A father is a very important part of a child's life esp a girl.
4- Blood does not make family but your blood family are your God-given family and no matter how bad, we must accept and love them as much as we can.
5- It is very important to show/tell all the people you love and care for how much you do care for them NOW! Later is not promised.
6- Health really is wealth!
7- Death makes you remember all things, except to Whom we're returning to, end.
8- Being generous does not mean you have to be extravagant. Moderation helps you live better and happier.
9- Money you work for and earn in a legal Halal way is always full of Baraka (blessing) no matter how little.
10- Saving for a rainy is never a bad idea for those who help you today may not be around tomorrow.
11- Love is all-encompassing. Take it how you wish.
12- Sometimes sharing your problems with a trusted person does help.
13- Spoil yourself; sew a new dress, buy a new shoe, shampoo your hair so it smells sweet on your pillow, go see a movie, cook a new food and invite someone or two over. Make yourself happy. I know most of us are under double opportunity cost system but this life is filled with worries once you're an adult, so once in a while, indulge.
14- Fall in love. It may work out, it may not. It may change your perception of love, it may not. You may do it again, you may not.
16- Learn a skill; there's never only one way to make good money and self-reliance is the best.
17- Don't just go to school, let school go through you as well. You learn better and it lasts longer that way.
18- Sincerely appreciate every effort people around you put in keeping in touch with you, even if they do so because they need your help, it was an effort.
19- Learn your place around people, because you're close does not give you the right to "do your village tinz". We're humans and everyone has their limit. Know when to start and when to stop, when to leave and when to stay. All these considerations endear you to the people around since they don't feel you're a burden.
20- Ladies, take very good care of your bodies; how you treat it today will determine how it treats you tomorrow! If you're not sure, ask. Asking never killed anyone!
21- Gentlemen, be gentle and civil, respect every lady as you would wish other men to respect your sister, mother and female relatives. You should be a blessing to us not a curse!
22- Alone time is a good time to reflect and resolve, a good time to make/reaffirm a resolution.
23- A clean environment is a happy healthy place.
24- Some problems may last your whole life time but Allah still gives you the means to get by, despite the problem. Believe and be faithful in your believes, it will always keep you afloat!
25- Faith is not a constant thing we have; we rise and we fall, the most important thing is we rise again and again and again no matter how many times we fall.
26- As hard as it is, learn to accept people as they are; yes faiths, believes, life style and a lot of things may differ but maybe your act of kindness can be Allah's way of leading them right. You must know however that by "learn to accept" I mean to accept they're human like you and I and treat them how you would love to be treated no matter what!
27- Everyday you're alive and healthy is a good day. It's a day to love who love you and be kind to the less privileged, elderly and kids.
28- Forgiveness. It's even harder than accepting but believe me, it makes you face other problems in your life with less weight.
29- Nobody except YOU is your greatest enemy. Procrastination, down playing your strengths, waiting for validation from others to feel good about yourself...all these are things we can personally handle to the degree we desire.
30- I know they say "happiness is a self decision" I do agree but many-a-times in order to be happy we need other humans, even if it's just your one person. Man is not an island, they also said.
31- We can never have it all but we must be grateful for what we already have because somebody else is looking for it!
32- Always say the truth even if it costs you, that doesn't mean we have to go about hurting people and their feelings. We can be tactical about telling people what needs to be said even though there's no easy or kinder way to break the truth.
33- Again, love! Love your neighbor as yourself that's a universal religious teaching. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc have all been taught this and until we LEARN and UNDERSTAND the TRUE meaning of this statement we will never be able to practice it or know peace in the world!
There! Thirty-three! At Last! And just like I've come to the end, one day my life will come to an end and I pray it's a good one and will be remembered with great fondness and love. Like I'm always reminded every year this day "a year has been added and subtracted form your life today" so Alhamdulillah and I'm grateful to all who have stuck around with me since they've known me. Thank you *blows kisses with imaginary $100 bills*
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
#WCW #NeverForgotten #AlwaysInOurHearts #WeSayALittlePrayerForYou #BurningBright #Friendship #Heartache #Sisterhood #SecretKeeper #SmileThroughMyTears
It's been 15years since I heard of your demise and even though it has gotten easier to talk about and accept sometimes I still shed those tears because I miss you and I wonder how life would have been with you around.
I am always thankful for those many hours we spent at night talking about our friends in school, neighbors and yes, our "Silly big sister" Amina. For those hours we each spent trying to comfort the other through our sickle cell crises, actually feeling and understanding the pain.
I'm so sorry I didn't become a medical doctor like we planned I would be so no sluggish doctor will leave you in pain for hours since I'll be there. I changed my mind and wanted to study Biological Science so I could later branch into Genetics; you knew our disease is genetically inherited, I wanted to get to the root of it and not just stop the pain when it arose, I wanted to completely eliminate what caused the pain. Again, I'm sorry I haven't been able to follow up on the plan. I can openly let you know, I'm a failure and not just in this aspect. I want you to know yet, I've never stopped working hard and striving to overcome my weaknesses and faults to improve in what I can as much as I can. Alhamdulillah I think I'm progressing, slow and steady.
I have so many fond memories of you and I love them all like I loved experiencing them with you. I would live that aspect of my life all over again if there is the chance. I can only pray and work hard that I make Jannah and pray and hope that you're already in there. Our last meeting still plays clearly in my mind, how you followed me round the house begging me to stay in case it was the last time I ever saw you. I still feel the unease and I feel guilty till date for not staying. Nothing was as important as me having to have stayed with you...I don't why I didn't want to stay. I am so sorry I didn't stay.
I love you. Mummy misses you so much Mona and she asked me to give Sadaqa on this your 15th anniversary. May Allah accept it from us and give you the full reward and blessing for it. May your plate for collecting your food never run out of Dua, no matter how little. May you be smiling and not ever be alone or lonely. May your companions keep you glowing till The Day of Resurrection. May you not be in darkness or hardship. May Allah forgive every single sin you committed knowingly and unknowingly, in secret and open, those you asked forgiveness and those you didn't. Ameen thumma ameen thumma ameen!