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Monday, April 29, 2013

WHEN TO LET GO

I love my mother so very much but we get along better when we are far apart from each other. Maybe one day my little girl will grow up to say the same thing but I hope not. As a kid, before I got married and had my child, I got along so well with my mother. It seems I had more patience and tolerance, I would accept her distaste of what was my choice and keep quiet but not any more. I find it very irksome and disturbing. I would rather spend the whole day sleeping if I had nowhere to go or read a book locked up in my room. We disagree on nearly everything, it breaks my heart simply because I really do love my mother, she is the one person that has always had so much confidence and trust in me. I won't even go into details of when I would get sick as a kid (which was often) how she literally ran helter skelter to make sure I got back on my feet and when she stood beside me after my divorce reminding me everyday "things will get better. And you will find someone who loves you and wants to be with you till death no matter what". I love my mother. I honestly do and I believe everyone that will read this also love their own mother. For this reason, I have decided to write on this very serious topic so many of us face.
First we as "children" need to understand and know that to our parents we never stop being their responsibility no matter what. It is part of the Rahma (mercy)  Allah has bestowed between parents and their offspring's that is why in Arabic the uterus is called Beit el Rahm (House of Mercy). Technically speaking that bond is greater between mother and child which makes it a tough job, almost impossible for mothers' to let go and to realize the child is a mature adult probably with kids of their own. I can't be telling this to our parents but I'm writing this for future parents, myself included. We have to know when to let go, when to drop the argument, when to know and trust that our kids know what is good for them. Let them go ahead, trial and error still works very well with us, it's how we've gotten this far. Just because we don't want them to face the hardships we endured doesn't mean we should let them hide their potentials. We have to remember we are not going to last forever with them. Our job is to guide them for improvement on what we can't complete, which is their life.
As parents we always want to know what is going on in our offspring's, lives. It is not a bad thing but when we make it become a habit it becomes harmful to the child. Such a child loses self-confidence in solving their problem their own way which I have to say most of the time turns out to be just right for them. We need to show them that we trust them even if at the back of minds we may have doubts and fears. The most I think we are allowed to do is give advice; precautions to take (if any), what to expect and even how to be ready for it. But we must not force it on them. The bottom line is it still remains upto them to carry on with their struggle. As parents we can pray for them, guide from time to time and one thing for sure is we will always be there for our children so long as we have breath in us. I know this from my mother. I couldn't ask for a better mother as neither can you, my dear reader.
God bless our parents and our children, ameen.

4 comments:

  1. Probably the best I have read on this blog! May Allah bless our parents for us(ameen) bless u too dear

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    1. Ameen ameen, sweetheart. Jazakillah kheiran <3

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  2. I once read about the complexity of the mother and daughter relationship. It's constantly about dancing on egg shells. My relationship with my mum is probably the toughest i have, but alhamdulillah, we've been making a bit more effort to get along and it seems to be working...Amin! may God bless our parents

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    1. Alhamdulillah. I am glad you're making more effort. Allah sa Alkheiri.... Ameen ameen. Jazakillah khiran

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