CAUGHT BETWEEN LOVE

 Hey! I have missed you all. I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. Not really pressing issues that called away my attention, it’s just lack of inspiration and sometimes so many tales to narrate I forget them all at once. But now, I have something really important to share with you all. A question has been going round, “Can you still be friends with your ex?” honestly; I burst out laughing when I see it. Young people arguing over ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends I do not see that as a matter for much thought; you assumed you had feelings for each other it didn’t work out. Move on. Say hi when you meet and if any of them has gotten married just forget you ever knew them. Some spouses can get really jealous and make a mountain of a mole hill.

As for we, Committee on Divorce Matters, If you have kids between you two, it is absolutely necessary to keep the ties, even if you have to pretend to keep the friendship, which we all know there can no longer be…I mean it is hard. It is just painstakingly hard to be true friends with your ex-husband or wife but for the sake of the wellbeing of the life that came from you both, you just have to try. Recently, my daughter Aisha, travelled to Nigeria to ‘visit’ her father….well, that visit seems to have taken a wrong turn, a turn that has made me change all my life plans, again. No it’s no big deal, I always knew this day had to come; I just wasn’t expecting it so early. So far the people I have told are saying the same thing; most of them are single or married and their kids are staying with them so they wouldn’t understand where I’m coming from no matter how hard I try to explain. Just for the sake of clarity when a reasonable man and a reasonable woman have a kid/kids together and then get divorced, they know at the back of their minds that the other person has a major say in their life….and to be honest it’s the one that’s more influential that usually gets most of the say, unfortunately.

All this ranting is just to try as much as I can to explain just because it didn’t work out between the couples doesn’t mean the kids have to suffer it also. They are entitled to believe, know and feel that the physical and ‘spiritual’ separation of the parents never destroyed the love they once shared bringing about their conception. They are entitled to feel loved and cared for by both parents at the same time and that even though each party has carried on with their life either getting married again and having more kids, they are still every bit a part of their daily activities.

Bringing a child into this world is not just for the cuteness and adorability, we shall be asked how we cared for them when we die and even before we die, how that child becomes in the society is 50% affected by the attention he/she gets from both parents and how they deal with each other either married or divorced. That life from you has a say in your life, be considerate of that helpless creature; when they grow they will appreciate your effort and will show it one way or another.

Finally I just want you all to know that The Major and I, have a very cordial relationship, we still joke and laugh, tell each other our opinions on some certain things and we agree equally on everything that has to do with Aisha. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my daughter. May Allah strengthen the bond between them, amen.