You'd imagine at 40 something I'd have learned to trust my guts when it comes to relationships or at least not suppress my instincts... I'm afraid I still do the "give benefit of doubt" "give a million excuses before you conclude" and all those things that girls do to drown the voice of reason within them when it's screaming in silence. You know what, this time around, it was easier to spot the red flags. It was easier to group them under categories according to what I can tolerate without getting frustrated all the way up to "Iwishamuthafuckerwould".
On the third day and without mincing words, I made it clear; I have no time to waste. I'm responsible for my daughter. My life is filled with issues which seems to come more than they go but Allah has forever been Merciful. I have friends whom I trust and consult with, I don't need any more friends and if this is a waste of time I'm ready to disconnect the service. But men will always do what men do; pretend to listen and understand and go ahead to give you all the imaginary positive side of himself. All talk no action. I say, poke at each and every one of those attributes he's associated with himself the truth leaks out eventually try as he may to keep proving "perfect".
The reddest red flag is when he says "you're perfect, I can never find a fault in you" he put you on a pedestal that's gon break your eager neck. Baby girl, he done did you wrong already. No human is without flaw and if he still insists even after you spotting and naming a flaw of his that needs not be used on you again, then my sweet princess, it's time to dust your skirt and move on.
Anyways, it's difficult breaking away when you suffer loneliness, miss companionship, and generally just want someone you can literally and figuratively lean and count on at all times and who you'd want to do same with you.
I'm okay being alone. It's not as bad on most days as others. I don't need anyone coming along and making me start to yearn for things I'd pushed so far down, things he can't provide but claims to be able to. I've lived all word no action and action all opposite to words promised. I can disappoint myself without external assistance, thank you, and knock it off.
